


Hey

by PlasticEyes



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Cute Chloe, Delusional Beca, F/F, Hit by a car AU, Thats not a real tag, bechloe - Freeform, drunk beca, i am trash, spiderman au i've always dreamed of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-14 11:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5742007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlasticEyes/pseuds/PlasticEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beca gets hit by a car. Beca gets left in the middle of the road. Chloe finds Beca napping in the middle of the road. Beca has a concussion. Beca's delusional. Chloe's hot. Beca's an idiot. The end. </p><p>Thus blooms the beginning to a magical relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Sexy Angel

"Hey."

No.

"Hey."

Nap. Must.

"Hey."

Must. Nap.

"Are you alive?"

Un _nngh_. WhathaFAC…

I peeked open an eye, doing my best to send every amount of pure hatred towards the blurry woman leaning over me. Crouching. Over me. Right next to me.

Wait. What?

"Hey! Look who finally woke up."

"…wha-" I stopped, opening both eyes and immediately squinting at the suns descending rays of light. My voice…it –hurt? Or just –so dry and raspy. As if I hadn't consumed any form of liquid for decades. What the fuck is going on?

"You do realize you're lying in the middle of the street right? Do you have some sort of medical issue or something…"

I cleared my throat, deciding it be best for me to just ignore the annoying woman and figure out what the hell I was doing sleeping on cement.

"Should I call an ambulance maybe?"

Deep breath, inhale and exhale.

First came the arms, lifting them with strain and sliding them upwards, slowly propelling myself up. Jesus. Why the hell am I so sore? I sitting up now, observing the empty street. Not exactly an urban area. Rural would be a better description.

"Um. Can you hear me miss?"

Oh ya. Forgot her.

I nonchalantly looked towards her squatting position, rubbing at my face in an attempt to rid of the sweat-clinging dirt. "Listen la-"

And then my throat went dry. And –my heart. Did it… _waht_? Seriously, damn I can't feel –can't control the heat flushing up towards my cheeks?

"Hi," she smiled, exposing a perfect set of pearly-white teeth. "Did you enjoy your nap?"

"…umbffYES!" I shuffled up, scuffling to catch my balance at the new feeling of my wobbling knees. "Absolutely," I finally got to say, knowing well that I was visibly shaking at the amount of energy put into keeping my body standing.

She kind of just looked at me weirdly, standing from her crouched position and looking me over suspiciously. Damn it she's taller than me. "Did you get drunk or something?"

"Dr-drunk?" Did I? I don't…think so…

"Ya. Y'know, the excess consumption of a beverage titled as "alcohol". Sound familiar?"

"Um. No?"

She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, crossing her arms as if scolding a misbehaving child. "Are you sure?"

Well why does she even care in the first place? "Ehm…yes?" I pretended to look as if in deep thought, raising a hand to rub my chin. "Ya. Yup. Pretty sure I didn't get drunk. I _do_ however happen to have one hell of a killer headache."

"Headache huh? _Sounds like a hangover_ ~…" And even though her sing-song voice was layered with obvious tease, it didn't stop from revealing its beautifully soothing tune.

"N-No I'm serious. I'm…ya I'm one hundred percent sure I didn't get drunk. I think…I might've –someone…ow ow…" I rubbed my head, unexpectedly feeling really tired all of a sudden.

"Hey," and suddenly she was invading my personal space, stepping casually into my usually well-crafted barriers and taking a closer look at my face. I could feel her heat coming wafting over me, the smell of sweet strawberries following after as her hair came over shoulders while trying to get a better look at my ducked face. "Let me take a look."

"Ugh –no no I'm…"

…fuUck it hUURTs…

"C'mon now." I flinched involuntarily, not expecting the feeling of someone else's hands atop mine. They were soft, gentle and tender. As if she could sense the sudden waves of nausea that were now flooding through my nerves. Not really strong enough to resist her actions, my hands were lowered, soon released. And before I could comprehend the fact that the thoughts of disappointment were close to being formed, her hands came to cup the sides of my chin, lifting it up and forcing me to stare into that piercing azure gaze.

Hot _damn…_

"Your eyes are dilated. Do you feel any signs of fai-"

"Yes," I barely managed to breath out. _And the moment was shattered._ "Ung-" I broke out from her grip, coming down to clutch my stomach. Oh my god why does this hurt so muuuuch?! "It…damn it –"

"Oh no," I vaguely heard her sigh. In fact, now that I'm observing this, it was getting fairly hard to hear anything. Let alone concentrate on anything. I think I might've lost…my footing or something? Did I just….

…

…

"Y'know," I wasn't really comprehending _anything_ anymore, more of just suddenly coming onto realization of…stuff…junk _y funky lunky tunky crunky…_

"Here," I felt the some sort of pressure come under my legs and all of a sudden –I couldn't feel the cement on my shoeless feet, and the word spun for a second until I had an upside down view of a nearby building. But…that's not possible? Right? It could only mean that…that… _oh no…_

I immediately began flailing my arms and legs around. "The poles switched! The south and –and north poles switched! The snow's coming! The apocalypse! Hide your babies and f-fish! Kiss your crush before it's too late!"

"Hey –hey!" And then something came under my lolling head, lifting it up and suddenly allowing my gaze to come upon that highly attractive angel-of-a-copy façade. "I'm going to need you to calm down miss."

Two and two was put together, and I came to realize that she was carrying me. Bridal style, with one arm tucked under my knees and the other under my neck. Jesus, this girls really _really strongggg_. Or maybe I'm just light. Or maybe –she's a secret wrestler –sent by God himself –disguised as an angel –

"Yur preeeetttyyy…"

Did I say that? No no, it mUSt've been the faIRY GOD MOTHER'S blubbering Santa Clause! Cuz I…ahm a total badass.

"Thaanks…" I watched her through flickering lids, grinning in a _probably_ stupid way as her face was transformed into a flushing mess as she quickly looked away. And then she was walking, bouncing me up and down and permuting a "weeeee" as I was shaken lightly up and down. The sound of a car door was heard, and I was promptly shoved into her shoulder as she leaned over to lay me down on the leather seating.

 _Wait._ I peered up to find the door shut with a "thump", her figure disappearing for a fraction of a second, only to quickly reappear as the front door was opened.

Am I–*gasp* – being abducted by one hell of a sexy woman?

Sexy.

Woman.

Sexy.

Pretty.

Gorgeous red head.

Tis' the season to be jolly.

La la la la _la_ la la la la~

"Yes!" and I practically hit my fist on the car door in a weak attempt at triumph. "Sexy lady! I give…I givez you permissionz to kidnappz me!"

From the front seat now she turned to look back, her perfect red hair following in a perfect _perfect perfect_ "swish swish" way. Like, the hair commercial ways. Because –their sexy too and all. And I, like, get jealous of them all the time. Like, 24/7. Tots jelly. Jelly. Jelly-fish. He he.

"…othing to worry about. Alright?"

"…"

What an adorable smile.

"Alright?" she repeated, nodding her head and I'm guessing waiting for me to say something back to her.

" _It's never polite to speak with your mouth open,"_ I vaguely heard my mother say. This thought, I decided the same circumstances applied to my situation. Never speak when you're lying down. Right? Because…that would be rude. And –and rude people…go to jail? Yes. They get punched right into a jail cell. And I don't want to go to jail. Cuz if I did, then that. Would. Suck.

Suck.

My dick.

Wait. I don't have one. ShIT. Analogy gone to waste.

"Uhgng…" I began to sit up, using my elbows prop myself up. Almost at once there was a squelching shock in my torso, sending waves of electric shots of heat through my stomach and I threw my head back in a reaction pain in shock. What the flabbin' fuck? My midsection felt like it was about to tear itself apart! "Fuck…" was all I managed to breath out as another jolt of needles tore through my ribs. And. And. And. And. And. And.

And!

I said fuck! I didn't –I wasn't trying to…

…I was rude! I'm gonna go to jail!

"I'm sorry!" I felt my voice tear out. "I-I'm so so so sorry!" And now I was sobbing, by vision already becoming bleary from the flowing fluid. "Please don't take me to jail! Please! Pleea-e-e-e-e-eaaase!"

"What?!" I heard a voice scream. "What the hell are you talking about!?"

Oh god she's going to take me to jail. No no no no. The people –I'm too young. I'll never be able to survive! My grandma's husband will…totally rip me apart in there! Fucking fuckly natta!

"Stop the ca-a-a-ar! Stop it! Just leave me behind! The food is d-d-disguuuusting! Mush a-and gush! P-plus…my grandma's hubbie haaates me! I don' wanna go to jail! I don' wa-"

Then I stopped.

And threw up.

And everything went dark.

/

\

/

\

"Hey."

I took in a deep gulp of air at once, then preceding to snap open my eyes and spring upwards. "WhA THa hell!?" _Got hit by a car._ "What the hell!" _In a hospital._ "What the hell?" _Killer killer headache._ "Whaaat the hell."

"Hi! I'm Chloe! And you should really lie back down!"

"Excuse me?"

A second passed before I began to feel it. A piercing throb in my stomach, immediately leading me to give out a pathetic groan and clutch at it. Then my head, and my arm –and _y'know what I'm just going to lay back down now._

"What happened?" I asked, or more of growled through clenched teeth. "I –oh _god_ –everything hurts right now."

"Well," I glanced through the corner of my eyes over at her, and was she blushing or something? Nah. Probably the reflection of her hair. "I kind of found you passed out in the middle of the road…"

"Ugh – _fuck_." Now I remembered it clearly. "Stupid inconsiderate shitty people…"

"…and drove you to the hospital in the latter of the moment. A very interesting –ehm…experience."

"Ya?" I tried turning my head to actually look at her, but ended up clutching desperately at the sheets in an attempt to hold back a yelp. "C-cool. Very –"

The world went black.

Again.

\

/

\

/

"Hey."

\

/

"Hey.

\

/

"Hey."

(Who the fuck isthisIDIOt of a person to interrupt my sleep?)

"Wha'dya want?" I grumbled, swatting away at the hand poking at my cheek. "Lee'me alone…"

"Beccaaa…"

"…m-m…"

"Beeeeccaaaa…"

"…mmm-mmm…"

"Beee _eeeeecccaaa…_ "

Wait. Whos voice is this? Jesse's never sounded this…girlish?

"…who?..." with a bit of wincing, I was able to turn onto my side to be immediately greeted by the sight of a grinning red heads façade. Like –what the fuck right?

"Well finally! Sleeping beauty arises at last!" She stood up, my head following her up. This is when I was suddenly beginning to become accustomed to my surroundings. Wasn't I in a hospital or something? "I know the doctor said you should get a lot of rest and all –but I was so bored! Plus…" she pointed to the bed I was currently occupying. "You're in my bed."

I blinked.

Twice.

Then thrice, now rubbing them and stretching them wide.

"…what in god's name are you talking about? And where –where the fuck am I? And _who_ are you!?"

"I'm Chloe!" And she said it with the brightest, happiest voice that could possibly be summoned among the people of this world. As if those two words spoken would be the judgment of her entire future to come. "Your current location would be the Bella's household, or more specifically –my room!"

"…that's…nice." Seriously, it was really hard to not say anything else but that. "So –how did I get here? And why does it feel like I got really _really_ _really_ drunk? Did I –oh shit. Did we…" I broke eye-contact with her, slapping my hand to the side of my face. "Did we have _sex_? Oh fuck thisisreallyawkward!"

"Oh my," and I peered up at her chuckling grin with a burning red face. Talk about embarrassing. "No we didn't have sex _sweetie~_. You got hit by a car, broke a couple of ribs, and got one hell of a concussion."

…

Still ending her sentence with that same sweet filling smile of course.

"Oh –okay." For realz though, what is it you want me to say? Sounds like a pretty legitimate explanation. Plus, that would explain all the aching in my body. "So…what am I doing in your room again?"

She smiled even wider, even having the nerve to throw in a wink. "Oh I just pulled a few strings here and there, faked a bit of identity and seduced a couple of security guards."

"Wait –you kidnapped me?"

"Weeelll," she looked up innocently. "I wouldn't put it like that…"

I gave her a dead up stare, raising an eyebrow and glaring at her further. "You kidnapped me."

"Well it's not my fault! No wallet, no purse, no phone! How was I supposed to get your number? And plus, I was getting pretty bored waiting at the hospital for you to wake up."

"…so you kidnapped me..." Yes. I was having some trouble wrapping my head around my current situation. "…because you were bored and wanted my number."

A smirk. "Sure. If that's how you'd like to see it."

"Huh."

"You don't seem as freaked out as I thought you'd be."

"Eh, it's internal."

"Oh."

"…"

"Your dad also came to visit you every day."

"…that's cool."

"Yup. Had to snatch you up on one of his designated lectures times."

"…wow.'

"Ya."

"…"

"…"

"Um, now what?"

And the same bright smile, spreading its infectious glow throughout the room, if possible bringing an even higher intensity of light from the morning sun rays. And her kindling stare, bringing a crawling shiver across my spine. I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was wearing clothes that didn't belong to me. Different shirt. Different pants. Different –bra?

"May I have your number?"

/

\


	2. Drunk'n Luuurv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ne he he he

"B-B-Bbb-Bec-Bec-c-c-c-a-a-a-Beca –…word."

The most god-awful thing my ears have ever come into contact of hearing.

"Chloe," I did my best to give her the utmost of a serious expression I could gather, crossing my arms over my chest to add for extra emphasis. "What. The hell was that."

"Ch-ch-check ou-ou-t ma ma-a-a-a-a-d skills Bec- _aaaaaaa~_!" saying this of course while trying at a poor imitation of a rappers hand actions. This girl will literally be the death of me.

"Chloe. Quit flailing your hands around. You're gonna hurt yourself."

"You can't stop these sk-sksk-sk-skiii-ils girl!"

"Chloe. Please."

"Sk-k-k-k-k-k-iiils!"

"Spare me."

"Sk-iii-iiii-iiiiiiII~…" _aaand this can go on…_ "…IIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLS-AAAA~~," she finally ended with a sharp G note, swiping her hands dramatically to the side. "Word."

"Chloe. That was awful."

"Oh don't act like you didn't enjoy it Mitchell," she grinned from my bed –yes. My bed. In _my_ room. Which also happened to be in my new, college temporary residence –The Barden Bella's household. In which I also happen to be sharing with multiple other female occupants who happen to be a part of the acapella group that I was forced on sexual shower harassment to join. _Forced_ –correct, _and_ harassed by none other than the current woman occupying my bed. Because it was just my luck that we both happened to attend the same gym. And it was also just my luck to apparently have an unknown talent for singing. Annnnd. It was Just. My. Luck. That the girl who happened to save (or kidnap if you will) my lil' ass just had to choose to shower at the same time as me.

"M-hm. Totally." I swiveled the chair back to the focus of my laptop, continuing the mindless internet streaming. "Tell that to my bleeding ears Beale."

"Bleeding ears huh?" And I think my heart might've just died because _what the fuck_ is her voice doing so close to my ear and _how the fuck_ did she cross the room in three seconds flat? "Doesn't look like it DJ," her voice breathed right onto the juncture between my ear and and and andandho _lyfuck-_

Without a moment's hesitation, I stuck my hand out and slapped it atop her face, pushing it a good arms length away from myself. "Personal bubble Beale," I said with a hopefully unnoticeable quaver in my voice. "Ever heard of it?"

"Nopef," she muffled through my hand, peeling it off and proceeding to send me the biggest shit-eating smirk around, apparently hearing the quiver. Damn it. "You of all people should know this Beca!" Stupid adorable- _ly_ _not_ cute _at all_ smile that's definitely _not_ the reason for the sudden queasy feeling in my stomach.

"Ya yeah," I waved her off, finding it best to focus all my attention instead on the website I accidently just clicked on. "Forgive me for forgetting."

"Forgiven!" And with that, her presence was retracted from next to me, returning with a couple strides and a "flop" back onto my bed. A few seconds passed before the sound of her humming began its usual rotations around the room. The oh so sweet and soothing an _d elegantly curving streams of notes bursting with the flavors diversely distributed hues of musi-_

"Ugh," I reached blindly to the right, immediately coming into contact with the wished object. Snapping my headphones with almost fluid like movement, I quickly turned on a random pick of an opened mix before returning to the website about –strippers?

Aaand my eyes just died.

I could faintly hear my name being called as I felt a flush rise to my cheeks at the spammed pictures of completely nude women popping all over the desktop screen. I struggled to close the window, moving and brushing at the mouse pad but _of course_ this stupid incompetent piece of shit for a laptop decided that now was the best time to freeze on me.

"Oh-ho ho Beca! No wonder why you wanted me to leave you alone!" My headphones were slid off, replaced with a pair of leaning arms. "Gotta say, didn't take you for that kinda girl."

"I –shut up!" I slammed the laptop screen down, unable to get rid of the burning sense of utter embarrassment. "It froze on me! The page –damn website spammers! Laptop sucks and I didn't –on purpose…click it…" Someone kill me now.

"Hush hush _hush_. You don't have to say anymore Mitchell." I peered up, only to catch her slide a wink to me. "Your secret's safe with me."

And that was it. I let my head thunk to the desk and groaned. Why? Why do I associate myself with this girl anyway? The benefits just don't seem to outweigh the cons.

"There there," she assured with the same teasing manner, patting my back for extra measures. "Let's go get a drink."

At that offer, I kind of just continued to thunk my head on the wooden table. Because the memorized script for the next ten minutes would only consist of me stating "No way in hell!" and "Leave the room!" and "Stay away from my eyeballs Beale" and "Get off my head!" and "Seduction ain't gonna work on me lady", and finally ending with an exasperated "Fine!".

So to save myself ten minutes of complete displeasure…

"Sure, whatever."

/\

\/

…

I.

Love.

Bubbles.

The perfect, definite form of smooth, curved in all the right edges and all the right angles. Reflection, gleaming and shining the indifferent colors and cascading them unto one another. Green, yellow, red, purple –hues contrasting to the reflection of their surroundings. Able to blend into even the darkest shadows, or with contradiction to the brightest lights.

Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

"And fucking _seX-AY!_ AmiRITE Beale?"

"M-hm," I could faintly see her head nod in agreement. Who wouldn't right? "Absolutely Beca."

"Ne he he –he HA – _*hic*_ –he ha HE HA HA HA!"

"Whats up Becs?"

I slammed my cup onto the counter, waving over to the bartender for another round. "I just remembered -" because I DID JUs remember. "…remember when I – _*hic*_ –I got hit by a car? That was hiLARious!"

"Mmm-hm."

"It's like, that feeling you get when you've been spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning until you _stahp_! And then, there's these back dots everywhere –and –and…ba-boosh!" I made sure to make the hand action to help emphasize for her. "You're dead!"

"Oh really?"

"Ye-yeah!" I sloshed around the cup in my hand, finding a small amount of humor as it overtraded onto my hands. Feels like squid tentacles. Eugh. "And then –I woke up! Andsh…you were theresh!"

"I was there-sh?"

"Yu-huh! You were there! You – _*hic*_ –you were there! Andsh _guuurl~_ , you looked like a fuckin' angel!" I brought the cup to my lips again, hardly feeling the sear of the drink sliding down my throat. "Makes me glad I got hit by that car y'kn – _*hic*_ –y'know?"

"Oh, well that's sweet."

I squinted at her, hard. Why was she so blurry? S'okay though. Maybe I just need glasses. Then I'll be the ultimate DJ right? Or wait, no I'd be a nerd. An egghead. Not. Th _e._ _ **LE GASP**_ _. EggheeeEEEEAAAAAD!_

"Beale?"

"Beca, why are you crying honey?"

"Beale! Beale beetles Beale beetles beetles!" I wailed, unable to control my voice for some reason. And why did my cheeks feel so wet?"Do…do you think I'm – _*hic*_ –I'm a –an _egghead_? I'm not a egghead! I don' need glasses! I can see – _*hic*_ –I can see you as clear as I can see my flippin' _butt_! I swear! Scouts – _*hic*_ –scouts honor!" I tried bringing my hand up to salute, but ended with a sharp sting across my face. _Bu –wha? WhothA'FuCwould-_

"Alrighty Be-"

"Who SH'lapped me!?" I jumped out from bar stool, my legs immediately swaying at the contact. "And why is there an earthquacksh or somethin'!? Chlo! Chlo babe stand back! I'll knock there hea – _*hic*_ –heads o-"

All of a sudden there was nothing –and then, there was something. The floor to my…face? Or my face on the floor? Ehhhh. Whatevs. It hurt like hell though. Like, ow ouch _ow ouch_. Boo-boo wants _ta_ be kissed.

"…es yes, she's alright. Thank you for your concern sir, I'll see to taking her home. M-hm, ba-bye."

"Beetlsh?"

"M-hm," something came under my arm and torso, heaving me to my feet. The room swam for a moment with _preeety cooooolors_. Then her head was next to mine, and my arm was slung over her shoulder. I looked over at her, hiccupping.

 _Prrreeeeetty_.

"Ey Beale?" We were walking. I didn't really care where, as long as I was right next to her.

"Yes Beca?" The door was unlocked, and she was seating me into the front seat, reaching over and buckling my seatbelt, giving me a whiff of her _beertiiful_ shampoo's smell as she retracted back.

"Um…" now she was in the driver's seat, smiling sweetly at me before starting the ignition and turning on the heat. My eyes followed her movements, frowning at everything she did. "Uuhhhh…" _Wha'd I wanna tell her again?_ "My head hurtsh?"

No –tha wazz'shnt it. Nope nope.

"C'mere then," she motioned with her hand, and I obediently bowed my head towards her. _I wouldn't mind doin anything fo this angel y'know?_ Her hands took my chin, tilting it upwards and brining us to eye contact. Then she leaned forward, pressing a soft, lighthearted kiss to my forehead.

A moment passed. And I had to tell her. I remembered.

"Chloe." I looked up.

"Hm?"

"You –your- you're a…you're…"

"Hah! Just say it Becs!" Voice like a _n annnggel..._

"Chloez. You're a –" I took in a deep breath. "Chloe! I've –I've been meaning ta tell ya this. For –for a long time. Like, since lastsh – _*hics*_ –last year. Chlo. Ma babe, ma honey biscuit, ma grandma. Chloe Beaele, you're a bubble. And –and –andz- you're _ma_ bubble! Will ya MArRY mE?!"

Then I sneezed.

Not really sure what happened after that.

…

…

…

I'll tell you what it felt like. I'll tell you exactly what it felt like.

It felt like a rabid monkey had taken the club of a beefy caveman and traveled through to the future just to bang that god damn stick over and over and over and over onto my head. Then, after that, it brought its little monkey friends to have a try –banging over and over and over and over onto my forehead.

"Oh my g _ersh_. Chlooooeee! Everything huuurrts! UUUnn _nnNNhhh!_ Chhlooo!"

Something shuffled to my side. Strange. Perhaps my arm is acting on its own instinct now. Mind controlled hands…he he.

"I'm guessing you're feeling sober now huh?" The voice, hot and throaty as it was whispered right into my ear, had me snap upwards, wide eyes taking in the surrounding.

"WhatheFAC – _Chlo_?! What –" _Not in my room._ "What –" _Chloe's room._ "WhAt?" _In Chloe's bed._ "WHHAT?!"

"Beca! Beca calm down!" she laughed, putting a hand onto my forehead and forcing me to lean down. After a silent struggle between two mentalities, I finally obliged (not willingly of course), lying back down for the sole reason of the sudden killer-headache (and definitely _not_ because of the relishing feeling of sharing a bed with Chloe…s _creeeammzz…)_

"What happened?" I grumbled. "Besides getting drunk and all…which I totally blame you for and all."

"Well that's about it Becs. You got drunk and I didn't feel like carrying you all the way upstairs."

I raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"

"Mmm-hm," she threw off the covers, purposefully shrouding it over my face. I threw a small "bitch" and swatted them off me. "You got drunk," she was pulling a bathrobe over her short shorts and tank top. "Said some interesting things," walking over to the door and creaking it open, pausing at the frame and flashing me a wicked grin.

"And we totally made out."

"A –I –ChlOE!" I sputtered, feeling the flush of heat immediately overtake my expression. "Are you serious?!"

She just slammed the door, her ruthless cackles being heard as she walked down the stairs.

"Ugh, I hate you…" was my pouted response. From outside the door, the faint words of "No you don't!" were yelled.

I frowned.

Then sighed.

Then kind of just plopped my head down onto the Chloe-smelling-pillow, totally not doing that creepy thing where the lovesick person turns there head just to take in a deep whiff of their crush's smell.

Totally not.

Not at all.

Tots not.

Crushing on this woman. On ma bffl. Ma dude. Ma sick beat. Ma girl. Ma lady. Ma whipped cream to ma pie. Ma ice cream to ma cone. Ma peanut butter to ma jelly. Ma Netflix to ma chi–

…

Yeah.

…

I know.

…

I'm in some pretty deep shit.


	3. It all started with a wee lil' spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So everyone know about the whole "Spiderman AU" right? Well, if not, look it up or something.  
> Recently read a spiderman au (@TheEffinMitchell ((With Great Power))) -lurved it like cray. Totally a contributor to the creation of this sort of crack but not crack spiderman au.
> 
> Seriously though, this whole fic is pretty much a crack-fic. All these chapters are pretty much my fingers coming into contact with a keyboard, usually in a sleep deprived sort of mood.  
> Hopin' you guys are luvin' it as much as I am ;)

So like, um. Chloe.

Yeah. She’s pretty cool.

And good-looking.

But mostly just, y’know, cool.

“Beca! Beca help!”

Of course, this doesn’t really explain why I found myself stumbling/sprinting/running as if my life depended on it down the stairs, hardly pausing to swipe down and grab an abandoned baseball bat from the ground before continuing my run. Rushing down indeed, managing to trip on air in the middle of the stairs and let out a pathetic squeak before tumbling down. Down down _down_ until finally coming to a skidding face stop in front of the feet of –yes. The only redhead in the house that would sound like she’s dying…for a spider.

A spider for god’s sake.

“Beca! Beca Beca Beca BeCAW! Kill it! Kill the SpAWN OF the DeVIL!”

The things I do for this girl.

“Alright alright Chloe,” I grumbled, heaving myself up and wincing only slightly at soon to be formed bruise on my knee. “Calm yourself will you? It’s just ahOLYMOTHEROFGOD!”

I screamed, then she screamed, then we sort of just linked onto each other and continuously screamed in unison until Lilly finally came walking down the stairs. We watched (still screaming mind you) as she pulled out a handkerchief from god knows where and picked up the spider, opening the door and calmly tossing it out. Only once the door was closed our screams were dwindled to nothing, not really being given a choice at the sight of Lily’s death stare.

“Thanks…” I managed to say after catching my breath. “That was…it was –y’know. Pretty big…spider…”

“I’ve eaten bigger.”

Quiet statement spoken, she was gone in a flash, leaving me and Chloe still tangled in each other’s arms.

“Well that was…interesting…” Chloe finally came to breathe out, slowly untangling her arms from around my waist and scratching at the back of her neck. “Sorry for bothering you and whatevs. Just…spiders…”

I felt a shiver run down my spine. True that. “No dude, I feel you. I totally feel you.” I’d also pretty much do anything for you in a _totally not stalkerishgoddaMNI-_

“Alright! Well I’m off to bed!” she straightened her back, without warning coming to wrap her arms around my neck once more and pull me into a bone crushing hug. “Night Becs!” and with a light press of her lips to my forehead, she was gone skipping up the stairs (is that even possible?) and leaving me sweating and freezing all at once.

“Asshole,” was all I could mutter to myself (*lonely soul*). I walked slowly back up the stairs, heading straight to my room and collapsing onto the bed. _Lovesick god damn it._ I curled into a ball, stuffing my face deep into the comforts of my pillow.

Lovesick indeed.

…

…

…

*NARRATOR PERSPECITIVE SPARKLE LIGHT*

…

…

…

Deep within the folds of midnight rays, there laid an insect of a sort. Regular as it appeared, eight legs and eight eyes, skittering across the gravel of the land.  Tinted a blue and red color, black being the remaining surrounded hue. But let’s get to the main point here, shall we? Yes dear reader this is indeed not any regular spider to be known. As said, as written, as told, essentially speaking –this spider was certainly unique. A single specimen. One of its kind, fashioned and produced through the strange ways of mother earth itself.

As if now, we will name this distinctive spider _Lee_.

Currently, Lee was making its way off the porch of the domain it had just previously found itself trapped in, the Barden Bellas household. Crawling until it was at the edge of the area, skinny legs taking a moment to feel the emptiness of the wooden edge until deciding unto the fact that it was time to “fly”. A web was shot and –it was off! Gliding into the night sky and twirling with the wind’s flow. Patch after patch was aimed, up down side to side and simply taking the advantage of the breeze given.

“…on’t mind if I open the window right?” was hardly heard, let alone comprehended. Before the creature knew it, black was transformed into a florescent yellow and something soft was felt underneath beings four pairs of legs.

_…?..._

Soft, lush, squishy. The strange fabric was irritating, bringing a discomfit feel to Lee’s legs. Only when it was about to take off from the unknown ground was the light suddenly shut off, then – _terrifying_ –the ground began to shake. Trembling to the point where Lee could hardly aim a web to be shot. Panic ensued, Lee ran –scurrying to best of its ability without any sense or care of direction at all.

Then, everything went still –or at least less stirring than before. Lee also went rigidly still, feeling the way at how the ground seemed to be moving lightly up and down.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

_…???..._

Peculiar indeed. Warm as well, oddly warm. Plush furthermore.

So what to do at this point? When faced with a foreign situation as such, what should be done? Well, firstly, allow me to provide you with an example that should most definitely _not_ be done.

Instinct one, to _not_ bite. Why not? (Apparent reasons applying...) Well, obviously venom right? Wrong. Fundamentally yes, a good population of bizarrely viewed spiders are known to be poisonous. And through the ways of my personal descriptions of this certain spider, one would no doubt come to assume that Lee is indeed a venomous spider. However, seen through different perspectives of course, Lee is in fact not a deadly insect.

Perhaps absolutely life changing _if bitten –_ but, not deadly.

Lee of course, being a spider and all, wasn’t entirely aware of this. In general, Lee wasn’t aware of anything about itself (desire to feed like any regular spider being the only exception). So, being an insect with insect instinct, Lee decided to do the one thing that honestly under all circumstances should not have been done.

Piercers widened, Lee held no hesitation to sink its fangs into the soft material underneath him –serving almost as an innocent parting gift before a web was shot out, and the spider disappeared back out into the night’s air.

…

An individual entity capable of transferring through the bite given (as supposedly guessed)–fantastical powers.

…

(*gasp*)

…

And thus, Beca Mitchell’s life would never be the same.

…

…

…

*END SPARKLE*

…

…

…

There was sweat –in my eyes?

_What…the flippin’ fudg-_

And almost at once after the phrase was thought, an excruciating pain was felt. Felt and then – _what th_ –burning and ripping a hole straight through my esophagus. I couldn’t scream, hell, could hardly even move. As much as I tried and attempted, my limbs were immobile and my screams parted yet silent, the only thing to be heard was piercing ring –engulfing my vision and senses until…

…fingers clawing madly at cotton, blood rushing, eyes dilating, cells forming, blood vessels convulsing, heart pumping…

… erratic, sporadic, spontaneous, impulsive…

…panicked, scared…

**_...breath…_ **

…

…

…

I felt, like…really weird.

Obviously disorientation was usually normal for me in the morning, me not being a morning person and all. But like, I felt _high_ weird. And what made it weirder was the fact that I could tell that I felt high-weird.

It’s like, high-ception.

But not.

WoAH.

“Was’ going oonnN…”

I sounded pertty weird too.

Unsteady legs were swung off the side of the bed and all of a sudden, I was off –stumbling my way to the door. When my hand landed on the door’s knob, I twisted casually at it, amazed however to find the knob to snap clean off. _What the faaack?_

Coffee. Coffee was what I needed at this very point in my life.

The door at the moment served as a barrier to my goal since I was unable now to get out. Knob tossed to the side, I carelessly rammed my shoulder fairly gently into the side, not really as astounded as I should have been to view the way the lock seemed to just snap as if under an extreme amount of pressure. Weird yes, high-weird most definitely. But as if now…

… _coffee_. My main concern. Nothing else mattered. Not the weird hickie-looking mark on my neck; not the new six pack on my torso; not the pair of muscular arms swinging side to side beside me; and most definitely not the agonizing amount of soreness obscuring my entire body.

“Good morning Mitchell!”

Providing almost the same effect as coffee could have (almost), my heart went into kick step and I had to grab at the stairs railing t keep from slipping down the steps. Quickly getting over my initial surprise however (not really), I straightened my form, grumbling some incomprehensive words and waving before turning back and continuing to head for the kitchen.

But.

Something weird again.

Yes, as in druggy high-weird.

Colors flashed across my vision and I stopped at the step I was on, a vision of a sense. Something –sometime –somewhere –somewhat –someplace –soon –fucking –h _oly shiTNOW!_

I immediately turned and my arms were opened on their own and –Chloe’s boobs were in my face. And her hair was in my eyes. And her arms were splayed around my neck.

For some ungodly reason, Chloe Beale was in my arms.

“Oh my gosh Beca,” and now her dazzling gaze was staring into mine, arms still wrapped around my neck and we were staring, watching with our breathes mingling and I was pretty sure my face was just about on fire here. “How did you…” was whispered, her voice clearly laced with curiosity and plain astonishment. “How are you –”

“Don’ know…” I was inching closer, the spur of the moment to blame. Because what could _be more romantic than the savior catching the fallen maide-_

 “But –it’s not scientifically possible. You’re so short…”

…

I dropped her straight onto her ass.

“Oof –I…Beca! What was that for?!”

“I am not short!” was all I yelled to her as I stormed down the stairs. Psh, short. Me? No. Nope. I, am average. Everyone in this household is just unnaturally tall!

“Keep telling yourself that Mitchell!”

I only huffed, deciding it wasn’t worth the argument at such an early hour in the morning (11:00 am to be exact). Coffee maker started, it was then I actually allowed my brain to wander onto fairly more important matters here. Like why the fuck I’ve just sported a gigantic hickie on my neck through the reflection of the kitchen window.

“Oh my god…”

“What’s goin’ on Beco?”

“Eep-,” Still don’t know how she does it, but all of a sudden Chloe’s voice is just adjacent to my ear. “Jesus Beale I’m freaking out enough already. Take it easy will ya’?”

“Sooo,” I waved her face away from mine, only prompting her to giggle as I turned to face her –mistakenly revealing the bruise on the side of my neck. “Freaking out cuz’ you had secret sex last night or freaking out because you sort of just literally saved my neck.”

“Mmmm, the first one. And it wasn’t secret sex weirdo!”

“M-hm, then do tell Beca,” she poked my neck, right atop the bruise. “Where’dya get that lil’ bugger?”

“I…don’t know.”

“…”

“…”

“…*lol*…”

“…*the fuc*…”

“…sooo, are you saying I sleep-sexed last night or something? Cuz’ I’m pretty sore too.”

“Hah! No Beca you did not sleep-sex. Fairly positive that’s not even possible.”

“Then what’s going on with my body dude? Is this some late form of puberty? Did you poison my food last night? Or was it Stacie? It was totally Stac-”

“Chill Beca. It’s just a bug bite.”

“…a bug bite?”

“A bug bite.”

_A bug bite…_

Just like that, the coffee maker rang, signifying the completion of a steaming cup of coffee. I mindlessly grabbed at it, grasping the handle lightly and plopping down onto one of the stools at the counter. _A bug bite._ Ya, that sounds –right?

One.

Two.

Three.

…

“I gotta go!” I yelled, gulping the scalding liquid without a second of thought and slamming it onto the counter, not even realizing that the mug had been smashed to pieces until I was already half way up the stairs. I could distinctly hear Chloe’s voice calling to me but –no. I had to make sure. I had to be sure of this.

A fantastical whim. Not reality, not even possible. There’s no way –

“Holy effin fuck crackers…”

But it was. Staring in the mirror was a six-pack, ripped arm and calf muscles. I looked down at my fists, clenching them before–y’know, out of pure curiosity –bending my knees and springing upwards with all my might.

“Hey BecaaaAAOH MY GOD!”

My head had just connected with the ceiling, a large “crack” sound being emitted before I was plunging back down to the wooden floor, unluckily (of course) missing my bed by a mere inch. That was just about when Chloe decided to barge on in and pretty much scream her head off at the sight of a newly created crack on the ceiling.

“I’m telling you it was Amy and her boyfriend tantrums!”

“Again? Oh gosh this is getting out of control. Thought she would’ve learned after the whole extra-subjected-cardio-then-unexpectedly-throw up right?”

“…yyuup…”

“Oh well,” she sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head side to side. “Guess she’ll just have to do it again.”

“UhhNO! No no no it’s…” I nervously let out a bark of laughter at her confused expression. “It’s fine. Totally fine. Sort of my fault for bringing the whole conversation up. Totally won’t happen again.”

“Hmmm…” then she sort of just gave me this look. A clear sign that she knew something was going on that I wasn’t telling her. “Beca.” My heart jumped a little. Her interrogation voice was apprehensively activated. “What’re you doing on the ground anyway?”

“…sit ups. Y’know, workin’ out these…abbs.”

She snorted. “Oh? You mean your nonexistent flab? Please Mitchell don’t even.”

“What would you know?” I shouted back defensively, taking the offense quite personally. “Not like you’ve seen’em recently.”

“Hm…” I immediately regretted my words as a smirk was spread across her features, eyeing my fallen position with a mischievous glint. “You’re absolutely right Beca.”

_Y-no. Nope._

I was out the window before she could say another word.

Time to figure out these spidee-powers.

(*fuck ya*)

**Author's Note:**

> Delusional Beca = Me hunched over at my laptop and chuckling sinisterly while I type.
> 
> *no shame*
> 
> Please, review. I want to hear the other weird people out there that would have the buoyancy to even enjoy on this story. Share your strangeness with me. Cuz I've totally been high off of coffee for the past couple of hours.
> 
> plasticface.tumblr.com/
> 
> ^3^


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